Hair Cutting

I like short haircuts. I have had short hair the majority of my life. However, when I had my breakdowns, the hair got a lot shorter than the ol' chin length bob. The first breakdown was marked with me cutting it really boy short. And when I went through the next set, I think I cut it some then. Weirdly enough, in distant pop culture world, it was around when Britney Spears cut her hair short, had her life hiccups.

There have been these strange moments of feeling extremely connected to celebrities. Britney Spears showed a rage that I was feeling. Hilary Duff released an album about frustration with her dad. Amanda Bynes had her strange wig moments and erratic behavior where she was in court. Hell, even later when Miley Cyrus had moments I felt like these women were acting on very normal rational impulses. The public eye was showing a vulnerable side to people that I felt connected to.

So I didn't full on shave my head like Britney, but in the past, each manic breakdown was met with an extreme haircut. Now outside of breakdowns I do always change and dye my hair. It's a creative outlet that can also function as a positive coping mechanism. But the starkest cuts where connected to the wildness that was happening in my heart and mind.

What has happened over time is, I can track the length of my hair to my last breakdown. The hair grows back very slowly, often so similar to the rate of recovery. My hair is long now. Longer than it's ever been. Now next cut might just be a fashion choice, but I still have this litmus test, this funny barometer I can use to view my healing journeys.