Dropping Out of School - The First Time
It kind of feels too hard to try to explain all the little things that happened after June 17th. There was the drive home. Stopping meds. Living in fear. Being in my childhood room and feeling trapped. Nightmares from stopping medication. Eating less. Being thinner than ever. Not sickly, but for me much thinner. Having my brother tell me he was afraid for me. Him looking at me and telling me I was not myself. You cannot imagine what it's like having people tell you that you are not yourself. My brother told me I was scaring him. It was strange, this thing where people were scared of me. More than anything it made me scared of people - Terrified of people. People lock you up. People put you in handcuffs. Family demands you live as only a drugged up version of yourself. I heard this message from the outside world. Hey, YOU, you don't get emotions. You are not responsible with them. You don't get to feel. Feelings are your weakness. It's too risky. If you act out, we will