My Habeas Corpus

In between all of the depression, med visits, doc appointments and my mom dragging me grocery shopping, clothes shopping or to lunches, I had the trouble of what to do with time. My mom had enrolled me in community college classes, but then the medication was making my mind fuzzy and I couldn't concentrate. I had to drop those classes and try to get a refund. My mom marched me to the college office to plead my case as a bipolar depressive who couldn't hack it. It was miserable. There was something so shameful about how she had me keep the illness quiet unless there was money to get back. I don't know. Maybe I am misremembering parts of this. Anyway. I had to drop out of college a second time which was a blow to the ego. Meanwhile, she was pushing me to get a job. I had started out wanting a job, just as I had wanted college, just as I had wanted to live, just as I had wanted freedom. But with all the steady, deep and unexpected blows, I wanted very little. However, my mom ...

It's a bit hard to tell this whole story amidst the fog of time, sadness and medically altered reality. Some of the events I remember after. Before my attempt there had been another time I was almost hospitalized. It had been a late night of feeling trapped, painting and the feeling the frenetic energy of someone imprisoned in their own home because of their own mind. Oh, wait, now I remember more pieces of this stretch. It actually happened maybe 6 years later. If I don't have to discuss this bit not, then I won't.