Lifegaurd

Do you remember how I said that this all began with a day I was supposed to be lifeguard at the pool? This was after the sweeping the floor day, which ignited the whole series of events. On D-day, which I suppose means diagnosis day, I had such an ironic job of being there to save other people's lives.

And yet I was losing mine that day.

But that was 15 years ago.

Today at work I was writing about summer camps, about safety rules, about lifeguard stations and keeping the pool area safe from hazards. It's so bizarre how far I fell, how far I've come, how unusually life unfolds.

It's been a good day. Outside of work I've been involved in the business of life guarding a friend - helping her manage the things that could cause her to drown. Sometimes this fills me with a sense of peace and security to know I have a cushion of years between me and some of the darkest memories. But other times I'm just dazed. I have to fight back that fear of if and when it all might crumble down again next.

Until someone has truly come near death, experienced an expected crisis of the deepest severity, then a person does not know how truly topsy turvy life can be. One might think they could take all these steps to prevent disaster. And don't get me wrong, steps are good, great, necessary, but they are not a guarantee. The possibility of disaster, tragedy, death, sickness is something that absolutely none of us our immune to. It's the great equalizer. As humans, we are ultimately vulnerable.

And here is where the absolute necessity of my faith comes in. Life has so much stumbling through darkness. You take steps and don't know where they will lead. You start journeys without knowing much about the destination. But you have to trust that God is a maker of paths. And somehow, he designed you to make it through that path.

I'm reminding myself of these things. I'm reminding myself that it's one day at a time. That I have to believe God is good.